


Miss Missing You

by KairuKoga



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Crying in the Shower, Curtis is pissed, Divorce, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Long Haired Keith, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not beta read we die like men here, Oblivious Shiro (Voltron), POV Multiple, Post S8, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rated E for later chapters, Recurring Nightmares, Regrets, Sad Shiro (Voltron), Season 8 was a mess, Shiro (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Shiro doesn't know he's pining, Shiro made a mistake, So I'm fixing it, Space wolf cuddles, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This went a different way in my head, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-09-19 15:41:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KairuKoga/pseuds/KairuKoga
Summary: Shiro looked at his feet, unsure of the uneasy feeling he had brewing inside his breastbone. Keith had been quiet throughout the ceremony, withdrawn even.“I see.”Why didn't he tell him that he was going on a mission so soon? Did Shiro do something wrong?Or:Keith leaves before giving his best man speech and Shiro doesn't see him for years. Angst and upset Keith ensues.





	1. Prologue - Happiness

Fond touches, smiles, looks. Dark hair and gorgeous eyes that looked at him like he was his whole world. Shiro’s wedding day had gone exactly as planned, his new husband at his side as he thanked his friends and found family for joining him, hands clasped tightly together. Curtis Shirogane was his happiness, the reason he wanted to stay on Earth as Admiral of the Galaxy Garrison and settle down. With Adam it would never have worked, even if he had returned from the Kerberos mission in his original body and they decided to try again at their relationship, he wouldn’t have been happy. 

Curtis pulled on his hand, grabbing his attention from the past, before pulling him in for a second celebratory kiss. He melted instantly, returning the soft press of lips with as much fervour as he could without breaking social etiquette. He was happy, he could finally say that now.

He had his new family at his side, watching the happiest day of his life unfold. The Holts were ecstatic for him, Pidge jumping up and down out of her excitement. Hunk looking tearful at his friend becoming a husband. Lance, although still grieving for Allura, was enjoying the festivities, happy for his idol but sad that he’d never be able to have the same with Allura, Coran putting a gentle hand on his shoulder to remind him that he was there for him whilst being as tearful as Hunk.

Keith, although his best man, stayed behind, letting Shiro accept his congratulations and staying out of his way for the most part. Keith was surprised when he brought up the announcement that he and Curtis were engaged, and that he wanted Keith to be his best man. Keith’s eyes, as expressive as they usually were, hid his feelings behind complete stoicness after flashing with some unknown emotion for a moment. He agreed and Shiro carried on with his plans. Keith had been pulling away more and more after that, but still joined him at his wedding. 

The reception rolled round and Keith was nowhere to be seen. His seat was empty and the other Paladins had no idea where he went, only that he wanted to get some air. 

Excusing himself from his husband’s side, Shiro went to look for him. The speeches started soon and he wanted Keith there to wish him luck, he wanted him by his side like he used to be. 

Shiro wandered the halls of the manor they had hired for the reception and bumped into Krolia, who was in her uniform for the Blades. She had joined the wedding party on behalf of the Blades, as Kolivan was busy off planet with the reformation of previously Galra-controlled planets. 

“Apologies Shiro, I was deep in thought.”

“It's fine,” he moved out of her way, “have you seen Keith? The speeches are supposed to start soon and he's the best man.”

Krolia looked puzzled, “He didn't tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“He couldn't stay for speeches, he and I had to leave soon after the ceremony for headquarters. He has already taken a shuttle there.”

Shiro looked at his feet, unsure of the uneasy feeling he had brewing inside his breastbone. Keith had been quiet throughout the ceremony, withdrawn even. 

“I see.” Why didn't he tell him that he was going on a mission so soon? Did Shiro do something wrong? “When do you think he'll be back? I wanted to thank him again for being my best man and I-”

“I'm not sure if he will be. At least not for a few years.” 

“A few years?” 

Krolia nodded, she saw everything in the quantum abyss, how her son felt for the man in front of her, everything he did to save him, how Shiro saved him first. She couldn't help but know why Keith had left soon after the ceremony, he did what he was used to when he cared too much. 

He was running away. 

Shiro was worried. Unbeknownst to him, Keith was running away from what he could never have and all he ever wanted.

“He sends his congratulations, as do the Blades, Shiro. I'm happy for you myself, but I should be going now, the last shuttle is leaving soon. Pass my congratulations to your husband.” Holding a graceful hand out, Krolia smiled as genuinely as she could without showing the remnants of pain that lingers in her heart for her son. 

Taking her hand, Shiro thanked her, turning around to return to the reception room with a slightly heavier heart than when he left it. 

Spotting him from across the room, Lance bounded over, the Holt's dog BeBe following behind him. “Everything ok Cap? You seem down, where's Keith?”

Shiro scratched BeBe behind the ears absentmindedly, like he would do with the space wolf. He would have left with Keith as well, it would be while before he smelt the smell of ozone and he already missed it. “I'm fine Lance and it's just Shiro now, I retired a month ago remember? Keith had a mission to do so he left early.” He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice, he really tried, but the crack the words left him gave him away. 

Lance, not one that likes to see his friends sad, gripped his shoulder and smiled, “Hey, cheer up. It's your wedding day, Keith would have wanted to stay if he could. I guess it means I have to give the best man speech now, right Shiro?” 

They began walking towards the front table, the room was decorated in purple accents, Curtis' favourite colour. Purple ribbons adorned the back of the chairs, tied neatly in intricate bows, purple centrepieces on the tables, a purple rosette cake baked by Hunk and Shay. 

After being held prisoner by the Galra you'd think Shiro would have had enough of the colour purple. But there was a couple of purple things missing from his happy day with his husband. He had always noticed them from afar, even looked into them with gratitude and had the same look returned. The dark bluey purple of his best friend's eyes. They should be here. But they're travelling elsewhere, in the same stars that were reflected in them.

“Takashi? Are you going to sit down yet honey?” 

The calming voice of his husband brought him back to Earth. Where you belong something in his mind reminded him. Where you shouldn't be his heart countered.

Returning his husband's easy smile, he sat next to him, taking his hand and pressing a kiss against his knuckles. A whispered “I love you” and Curtis’ best man stood up, starting the speeches and festivities with a few laughs and digs. 

***

“Are you sure about this Keith?” Krolia held her son stroking his hair and softly shushing him, he was near tears at the back of the ceremony and now that she had taken him away from the situation he burst out crying, asking to be brought to headquarters with her.

“I thought about it for a while and I can't do it mom, I can't watch. I tried, I tried so hard to tell him.” He was sniffling, still crying tears he had held for weeks. He had been strong, he had to be for Shiro, but now that it was over and his mother was there for comfort he couldn't hold it in. “I said I'd save him as many times as it took, and if that means him being happy with Curtis I should save him the stress of seeing me.”

“Kit…” Krolia was at a loss, trying to be a calming influence for her son as well as wanting to protect him from his own breaking heart. “Kit look at me,” He lifted his head to look up at his mother, “go to your room, get your things and wait in the shuttle ok? I'll be there soon. I'm going to give my well wishes and we will leave in a couple of hours.”

Still sniffling, Keith nodded and removed himself from his mother's space, pulling his hair from the ponytail it sat in and sending a small smile Krolia's way, he moved out of the room he found to let it out. 

Breathing fully for the first time since before the wedding he took off down the hall to the room given to him. Taking off the white suit he was asked to wear, putting it back into the closet for one of the others to pick up, he went to work putting his Blade uniform on, tucking his knife in it's sheath, before packing the few possessions he owned. He never had much anyway, a brush he had picked up for his hair, a picture of himself, as a baby, his mom and dad, as well as a picture of himself and the Paladin’s that Beezer had taken, Shiro's arm around his shoulder, looking his way and smiling a full smile.

Putting the last of his things into his satchel, he called to his space wolf, telling him to go to the shuttle. The smell of ozone entrapped him and then he was in his room on the shuttle, exactly as he had left it. 

It had been a week since he'd returned to Earth, but now all he wanted to do was return to his dream, a dream he thought Shiro shared. Shiro's retirement hit him like a punch in the gut never could. They had talked about exploring together after the war, as friends if nothing else, but Shiro retiring at 27 wasn't something Keith thought he would ever do. Shiro chose space over Adam previously, what had changed?

Letting out a sigh, he flopped onto the bed face first. The bed wasn't like the ones in the Garrison and were comfier than the ones on the castle since his mother and Kolivan were joint leaders of the Blades and were given this shuttle as a means of travel for leisure, rather than battle. The space wolf climbed on the bed, being as big as he was now he took up most of it as he tried to wiggle under Keith's chin like he used to as puppy. 

“I know buddy, I know.” Keith moved his head to let the wolf see his face. He reached a hand out to pet him and sighed again. “I'll miss him too,” Sitting up, he looked to the small window which showed the sun setting outside. He'll miss the sunsets. He already misses the ones he spent with Shiro. “it'll be worth it though. He's happy now, he doesn't need us anymore.” He tried to blink back the new wave of tears and hugged the wolf to him, the wolf giving small licks to his cheeks, trying to get him to stop crying. Soon he lays on his back, still crying, the wolf having enough sense to just put his front paws and head on his chest as he falls into a saddened sleep.

By the time he woke up, his mom and her crew were on board, already on route back to headquarters that would take about a month to reach. 

He had left Earth, and in turn Shiro and his new happiness behind.


	2. Doesn't It Feel Like Our Time Is Running Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith finds out good news from his mother. 
> 
> On the other hand Shiro is presented bad news and realises what he's lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys, the angst isn't just for Keith.

“Keith,”

Flicking his gaze over his shoulder to his mother addressing him, Keith smiled as he gave over the last of the rations and sustainability kits to a family of 12. He had been working with the citizens of Kantayla for a few months now, helping them rebuild home's, encouraging the adults and helping to teach the children. He'd build some strong bonds with all the planet's people he'd helped in the past 5 years since leaving Earth for the last time. 

“Hi mom, I thought you weren't meant to come for another two weeks.” He straightened up, moving his hair back over his shoulder to rest at the small of his back. It had grown substantially since he left also. “Not that I'm not happy you're here of course.” He moved to his mother's side.

“I thought I'd come early, Kolivan has given me leave for a little bit. Have you got time to talk?” Krolia had been a big help with Keith becoming essentially Kolivan's heir as the leader of the Blades, helping him becoming the best possible person to carry on when Kolivan retires. Although he at first rejected the notion, he soon became the Galran ambassador for interplanetary talks and the likes. He enjoyed his work, and he enjoyed spending time with his mother.

Leaving Ezor to play with the children, Keith followed his mother to a bench just slightly out of the way from the noise and giggles of kids. At seeing his mother's face he become worried. “What is it? What's wrong?” 

“Kit…” Krolia reached out to stroke Keith's hair and cradle his face. “You… you're going to be a brother.” Krolia’s face showed worry but hope.

“B-Brother?” When Krolia nodded he put his hand on top of his mother's resting on his cheek. “How long?” 

“About 4 quintants.” She was smiling, it was small but it was there. “Kolivan wanted to wait to tell you, but since there isn't war anymore I couldn't hold it back any longer.” 

“Is that why you're on leave now?” Another small nod. “Are you going to tell the other Blades that you and Kolivan are official after 4 years now?” He was teasing, and his mother smiled fully. 

It was rare for him to see her like this. Carefree and exuding natural beauty, he can see why his dad fell for her. He didn't get upset at the thought of his father anymore, and he didn't feel betrayed by his mother and Kolivan getting together like he thought he would. Now there was a new person being brought into his family, and his younger self would probably kick him for it, but he welcomed it. He was happy for his mother and his step-father. 

“We are having a Blades dinner at headquarters in a few movements, you should come.” Krolia held her son's hands between her own. “We want you to be there when we tell them.” Over the years, his mother had made up for the stolen away years of affection she could give her son. Apparently Galra parents were naturally nurturing and in tune with their child's needs if close enough to them, that hadn't stopped Krolia from treating him as an adult, but still giving him small touches of parental affection. 

“I think I'm almost done helping here anyway, I'm sure Ezor and Zethrid can continue the work here whilst I'm gone. It's been too long since I've sparred with Kolivan and the others, it'll be good.”

Sending a message to his other officers, he stands with his mother. At 27 years old now, he was older and wiser, he'd learnt to trust a bit easier and became softer. He still had a fire inside him from younger years, but it was more muted now, it started to become smaller when Black had left with the other lions, and was almost dowsed out when Shiro told him he was engaged to one of his crew. 

It still hurt to think about Shiro, every year at Allura's memorial he stayed at the back, tried not to interact with Shiro too much or not at all, sometimes he would video transmission with Pidge so that he wouldn't have to go, he'd done that 3 times now. He felt guilty about it, of course he did, but he didn't want to put a strain on the other's. They'd all grown up now, they weren't the teenagers who went into space together on the Blue Lion's whim. 

With growing up comes growing responsibilities, and he always asked for extra missions to get out of going. The loss of Allura was still there, he missed her and wanted to celebrate her memory, but he didn't want to be reminded of the pain of losing a close friend, with an unrequited love of his. 

Turning back to Krolia, he smiled. “I'm going to pack my things, you take it easy mom. I'll be back soon.” 

Like many times before, he went to his assigned room to pack for home. Maybe a small break from helping others would be good for him. 

***

“Takashi”

Pods. Purple lighting. Metal and plasma clashing. 

“Takashi”

Words thrown that he didn't mean. 

“Takashi”

A small confession in the face of death. A scar. A brand. 

“Shiro!” 

Gasping and thrashing, Shiro jolted awake, tossing his husband off the bed in the process. Panicking he looked around the room. He was safe. He was home. With his husband. His husband that looked pissed that this had happened. 

Again.

Like almost every night for the past 6 years since they'd been sharing a bed.

“Shit. Curtis I-”

“No.” He was getting up, moving to the closet and pulling the suitcase he had used on their honeymoon 5 years ago down from the shelf.

“Curtis please I-”

“Therapy doesn't work. Me touching you softly doesn't work. We argue every time. I'm sleep deprived and can’t work properly because you keep having nightmares and I can't help. For the past 6 years, 6 years Shiro, I've been there, I've tried.” Curtis was getting dressed at this point. 

“Baby please. I'm sorry. I'll do any-” 

“Anything. You keep screaming. Do you know what you keep screaming Takashi? Who's name?” Curtis was angry, tears streaming down his face, his beautiful eyes showing emotions that he'd hidden to this point. 

Anger, annoyance, betrayal. Things he never knew Curtis would show to him.

“For the past 5 years that we've been married, I've had to deal with you screaming the Leader of Voltron’s name every night. I thought I could do this. I wanted it to work.” 

Hanging his head, Curtis’ voice went small, hurt overriding the anger. 

“It isn't just the nightmares. You keep saying that you're happy on Earth, with me. But I see what happens when one of the Paladins return. You don't notice it but I've had to deal with it since he left. You miss space. Your eyes light up like they did at the beginning with me at the mention of any of them going out there.”

“Curtis… We've talked about this, I chose you.” Shiro moved to put his arms around his husband, but the taller man moved away.

“I want a divorce Takashi… We can't even talk about getting a pet because you get this look in your eyes that say ‘I miss the space wolf’. When I ask about the future for us you divert the conversation. I stopped telling you I love you 3 months ago and you kept saying it and never noticed. We rushed into something big and you became someone I didn't know beforehand. You're still Takashi Shirogane, but you're not the man I married” Curtis turned, letting Shiro see his face. “I'm sorry Shiro. I'm going to stay with Iverson and his family for the time being.”

Curtis pulled a jacket on, pulled his boots on and went into the cold desert night, dragging his suitcase behind him. 

Curtis’ trunk door was opened, slammed closed, drivers seat door was slammed, the car revved, and he was gone.

Shiro was in shock, he couldn't move. He hadn't realised that he was crying until he looked to the floor, seeing small discoloration on the bedroom carpet. It was all true. He'd changed, and not for the better. Of course he'd heard the rumours on base, how the ex-captain of the ATLAS had been taken in as a trophy husband but still pined for the stars. He'd become something he had refused to be not even 10 years earlier. He chose space once and saw where that got him, so he decided to be safe this time, retire and make a home with someone. 

He couldn't win either way it seemed. 

Curling up at the end of the bed, Shiro cried by himself, alone and without being held, for the first time in 6 years.

If he was honest with himself, he missed his best friend. He hadn't truly seen him since before he left on his wedding day to Curtis. Always disappearing before he could get a chance to talk to him.

Maybe his subconscious was trying to tell him something through the nightmares. He wasn't sure, but if Curtis was serious about a divorce, and he seemed to be as he had cleared his half of the closet, that had to come first. Relationships come first. 

Patience yields focus.

He didn't want to lose the only thing that had been constant in his life for 6 years. He'd survived breaking up with Adam, he survived the Galran Arena, he survived Haggar's cruel experiments including his arm being taken, he'd survived the crash landing to Earth, he'd survived even death, safe in the black lion's consciousness.

He wanted Curtis, but if Curtis didn't want him anymore he'd survive. He'd hurt, but he'd survive somehow. The universe always made sure he did, for some unknown reason. 

He wanted to apologise for letting himself get this way, for making Curtis fall out of love with him, for making him care for him a chore. The divorce must have been going round his head for a while. Shiro knew he was bad at relationships, he knew it was a flaw. He tried to be the man Curtis wanted him to be, but he couldn't. He wanted to travel the universe like he used to. He missed his family, he missed Lance's shenanigans, he missed Pidge and Hunk's murmurs of new equations each time they came across something unexplained by known science, he missed Allura’s peacefulness and grace. He knew one couldn't come back, her memorials showing that in the worst way. 

Most of all, he realised he missed Keith, he stubbornness about not being the leader, his fire that brimmed beneath the surface, he missed the easiness and the casual intimacy that came with it. He missed his best friend. 

He'd forsaken his closeness with all of them, for someone he hadn't grown with. Curtis was right, they jumped into things too quickly. At the time, they were happy, they were secure and they thought they were ready. They'd been together 9 months. He hadn't even introduced Curtis to his friends as his partner before announcing his engagement to them. He had announced it at the second annual Allura memorial, the last one Keith had properly attended and actively spoke to him. It was understandable why his friends were all shocked, they hadn't known that he was even dating. 

He had bombarded them with the news that he was retiring as well, he was 27 and Curtis had made a point that he'd saved the universe, he deserved a break for life. They had nothing to say, Lance saying a brief congratulations before looking at Keith and the others and turning in for the night, his blue Altean markings disappearing behind a lock of brown hair reminding Shiro what they had achieved but also lost. 

Keith hadn't said anything and stormed off after Lance, Pidge following after tossing a small smile and saying “better make sure they don't kill each other” like she was telling a secret. 

Hunk and Coran being the last ones left. Coran had said his congratulations and asked about Earthling marriage rituals and Hunk asked to be put on cooking duty for the wedding. Shiro, oblivious to what was wrong with the two young men who had stormed off, assuming it was another long standing argument between the two, divulged his plans to the remaining group he has for the wedding. 

The last of the sniffles left Shiro and he closed his eyes. He'd deal with his potential divorce tomorrow, right now he needed to rest and prepare himself for his future, with or without Curtis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual kudos are appreciated, not sure if I've earned them with this chapter. There are a ton of other reasons that Curtis is doing what he's doing, and one of them is that he's jealous of what Keith and Shiro used to have, and associates Shiro's want to go out there and come out of retirement (something he's badly hiding from Curtis) with Keith. 
> 
> So uh... Yeah. When Shiro and Curtis got married they had been together for 11 months, and surprise no one knew. 
> 
> Anyway, scream at me in the comments if you want.


	3. I'm Here To Collect Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Katie and Matt will be back from a humanitarian mission in a few days." Sam had mentioned, “I'm certain they'd love to see you too. How does next week, Sunday, sound Shiro?” 
> 
> “Oh, yeah that'd be great. I've missed them. I've missed everyone.”

It had been three weeks since Curtis had walked out of their house. Three weeks since the divorce preparations had begun. Three weeks since Shiro began to learn to live for himself again. 

He had contacted Sam Holt, asking if he would be able to visit for dinner like he used to about a week after Curtis walked out and called to say that he had contacted a lawyer to get proceedings going. Sam had been happy to hear from him, the first time in 6 months since he had last picked up the phone to call anyone outside his immediate household. 

“Katie and Matt will be back from a humanitarian mission in a few days,” Sam had mentioned, “I'm certain they'd love to see you too. How does next week, Sunday, sound Shiro?” 

“Oh, yeah that'd be great. I've missed them. I've missed everyone.” Shiro took a deep breath, he'd done enough crying over those two weeks. “I also wanted to apologise to you and Colleen, sir. I know I went off the grid for a long-” 

“Don't be silly Shiro, you had other priorities. There's nothing to apologise for. Though I'm sure Katie will have a lot of questions, but that's just her way. She's still as curious as ever.” 

“T-thank you, sir.” Shiro could feel his eyes watering again. “I'm going to try to piece my life together again.”

“Shiro,” Sam’s voice had a hopeful lint to it, “the Garrison would always let you come back. I think Atlas misses her captain you know.” If Sam was in the room he'd probably have winked at that last sentence.

“I really appreciate it. I'll reapply as soon as I can. Retirement isn't for me I think.”

“I could have told you that Shiro. You've never been one to sit back and watch the action from afar.” The elder man chuckled. “Well then, Colleen and I would love you to come over next week. I'll let the kids know. See you soon Shiro.” 

“Goodbye sir.”

With a slightly less heavy heart that had been plaguing him, he pulled open his holopad and began to fill in the application form to be readmitted for the Galaxy Garrison.

A week later, he found himself standing at the Holt's front door, trying to calm himself to knock when he heard the family dog, BeBe, begin to bark and a shout from Pidge telling BeBe to be quiet. The door was opened by Matt, who began to tear up at the sight of his friend and grabbed Shiro quickly and tugged him into a hug.

“Shiro you're an idiot,” Matt pulled back quickly, before going back in for a hug. “but you're the Holt's idiot. Welcome back.” 

“Hey Matt.” Shiro didn't have to look as far down as he used to to be eye level with him anymore, Matt had grown into himself more. 

“Shiro!” As expected, within seconds he was ambushed with a jumping hug by no other than Pidge, who'd also grown and now reached shoulder height on Shiro. 

“Hey Pidgey,” He ruffled her hair, now almost as long as it had been before they went to Kerberos. “I missed you both so much. I'm sorry I didn't contact you as often as I should have.” He brought his Altean arm around the pair of siblings. He really had missed this, they were so close before he married Curtis. They had fought together, became a family. 

“I thought I heard a commotion out here,” Sam stepped out of the family's dining room, an easy smile across his features. “It's nice to see you Shiro. Colleen has almost finished dinner.”

“If you don't sit down in 5 minutes you're not getting any kids! That includes you Shiro!” Colleen shouted from the kitchen, teasing in her way of speaking. As ever the maternal presence as he was used to. After his parents had passed away, Sam and Colleen had taken him under their wing and supported him throughout his young adult life. The Holt's were always there for him as family, and even now during a hard transition, they pulled through.

Pidge pulled away, before dragging her brother and Shiro to the dinner table, BeBe following on their heels. No doubt there'd be questions about his divorce and him rejoining the Garrison. Colleen and Sam were still there after all, with Pidge working with Colleen more often that not and Matt often being off planet helping the Blades of Mamora with rebuilding and visiting his partner, they were still in close connections with the Garrison. Shiro's application had been accepted and he was due to start the next day.

They sat around, their old positions at the table the same as they always were. A sense of familiarity washed over Shiro, and with it he relaxed. He had missed this. Holt family dinners were nothing to laugh at. Colleen had pulled out all the stops, all of their collective favorites, of course she hadn't forgotten since Christmas. Pidge was engaged in explaining her latest journey with Colleen, Matt talking to both Sam and Shiro about his recent efforts with his group in distributing supplies to in need planets. 

Sam turned towards Shiro whilst Matt joined in on his sister's conversation. “Are you excited to come back tomorrow?” A decisive nod from Shiro followed his question. “Katie and Matt will be there for the next few months before their next mission, so you three will be working together again. Of course, myself and Colleen will be there as well. I'm sure the Garrison is buzzing with the news that Captain Shirogane is returning.”

“I'm honestly a little surprised they're allowing me to keep that rank after I left.” Shiro looked down at his plate of Mac and cheese. “I want to be able to explore again, being a paladin of Voltron was fulfilling, and piloting Atlas, especially after Pidge and your improvements became a dream. I just wish I had never left it. I don't regret my choice to marry, I thought that it was right at the time, but I missed the thrill of going out there, with my family.” Shiro looked up at Sam, determination shining his light gray eyes. 

“I probably shouldn't say this yet, but there is a mini mission happening in a few weeks. It's just for a few days, but Atlas would need to be piloted. If you're as eager as you say, maybe I could put a good word in for you to go.” Sam chuckled and nudged Shiro. 

A smile lit up Shiro's face, the first real smile the Holt's had seen for a while. “I'd like to take her out again. It's quicker than I thought it would be for me to go on a mission but it would be good for me.” Shiro's voice went soft, “A few days off planet could help me sort out everything going on.” 

Colleen patted his hand. “We're glad to have you back Shiro. If you ever need anything during the time you're going through this, you know where we are.” 

“I'm just glad to have my cooler brother back.” Pidge commented with a smirk towards both Shiro and Matt, she hadn't changed much it seemed.

“Hey! I'm cool!” 

The table erupted with laughter, Shiro wiping his wet eyes from crying in laughter and gratefulness. He had really missed this, the laughter around the table and the way it felt to laugh, properly laugh, so hard he cried. He still felt that there was a few people missing though. 

“Hey Pidge?” Shiro questioned after dinner was finished and Matt and Sam went to do the dishes after dinner. 

“What's up?”

“Do the others know I'm coming out of retirement?” 

Pidge didn't have to think on it for long. “Hunk knows, but that's because he's handling diplomacy for Earth, Lance knows because Hunk knows, Lance is actually on Altea at the moment with Coran. I think the only one who doesn't know is…” She went quiet, knowing that the former red and black paladin was a touchy subject for Shiro. She knew that he felt guilty for branching off from his best friend and right hand man, someone who adored him so deeply. But she also knew that Shiro was oblivious when it came to others feelings. 

“I see…” Shiro put his head in his hands, a moment to take it in before sitting back on the couch. “He's never going to forgive me is he?” 

Pidge sat next to him, putting her head on his shoulder like she used to. A silent reassurance. “I don't think he hates you Shiro, he's been busy. Last I heard he was on Kantyla helping rebuild and tutoring kids.”

Shiro looked at Pidge, practically a little sister who he cared for immensely, a dumbstruck expression on his face.

“Don't look at me like that. He's been there for about 4 months now. Obviously it isn't permanent, he's been moving around a lot with the Blades.” 

“Oh. Right of course.” He was unsure of the feeling in his chest that was settled there, deciding to label it as missing his best friend and being glad he's alive and well. 

“You never know, he might find out you're out of retirement himself. I'm sure he'd be happy to hear from you if you ever wanted to reach out.” 

“Yeah, thanks Pidgey.”

Ten days later he had clearance to on the mission to Daibazaal, and he left the house in Curtis’ name for the divorce. Seeing as he would be travelling for the foreseeable future, and he had rejoined the Garrison it felt right to let Curtis have the house as he had found a job outside of the Garrison, and Shiro would stay in the Garrison quarters like most of the personnel. 

Slowly, his life was coming back together, Coran and Lance had video called from Altea, sending their condolences for the divorce but congratulations for coming out of retirement. Coran had been working with Lance to integrate the rescued Alteans back to Altea, and between that and his life of farming, Lance had kept busy by taking care of his nieces and nephews whilst Veronica and Axca were away and his other siblings needed a break. 

With his sister-in-law being a Blade, she was called away more often than Veronica, but she always made time for the family they had built together. 

“They adopted Lily a little over a year ago. She's adorable.” Lance cooed over the video feed. Lily was a Galran half, much like Axca, with cat like eyes and light purple hair and Veronica had fallen in love with the baby soon after they found her on a recorp mission together. Unfortunately her mother and father had passed away shortly before the two got there, and the girl was crying, trying to get her mother to wake up. That was when the couple found her. “Axca apparently picked her up and was able to calm her pretty quickly. She's not as prickly as I used to think.”

There was a slight wistfulness in Lance's voice, a waver he tried to hide from Shiro. 

“Well, I've taken up enough of your time Captain, see you soon!” And with that the connection was lost. 

Shiro sat behind his desk, he had been doing paperwork for 4 hours, he had a lot to catch up on with since his leave and he wanted to make sure he knew everything. He was about to continue when his door slid open, Sam and Slav walking into his office. 

“Shiro! I knew this was the reality were you'd come back to us. Oh it's a happy time indeed.” Slav's heavy accent permeated the room and Shiro had to restrain himself already. 

A sigh left Sam's lips. “There's someone here to see you at the reception. I know you may not want to face him alone so I've been told to come with you Captain.” 

“Oh, yeah… Curtis was meant to be here with his lawyer today.” Shiro’s face became somewhat sad at the realisation. “Let me just put these away-”

“Don't put them there! It'll ruin the-” 

“Slav. Not now.” Sam walked forward, putting a hand on Shiro's shoulder before patting it briefly. “Let's go, Shiro. I know it can be hard, and everyone here is here for support.” 

Shiro placed his stack of papers on top of the filing cabinet, straightening his uniform that had been given to him as a set with the paladins and walked out of his office, flanked by Sam and Slav. The walk to the reception was quiet except for Slav's muttering under his breath. 

“Hello Captain, he's over there.” 

“Thank you Ben.”

Looking across the waiting room, he saw his now ex-husband, his lawyer and a man he had never met before. “Curtis, Mr Cameron.” 

A brief collection of conflicting emotions crossed Curtis’ face as he looked up, quickly nudging the man Shiro didn't know's arm off the back of his chair. “Captain Shirogane.” 

That put Shiro on edge, even as a bridge member for the Atlas, Curtis had never said his name like that. As cold as ice.

“If you'd follow me, there's a meeting room prepared.” Shiro tried and failed to keep the tone of his voice steady. 

Curtis stood, bringing his lawyer and the unknown man along with him. The man was tall, almost as tall as Shiro, but still shorter than Curtis, a slight frame and had a smug aura around him. “Let's get this done.” 

The meeting room was much like the planning rooms Shiro had been in countless times. A long table sat in the middle, with orange chairs that were not comfortable at all, a good fit since this meeting was not going to be comfortable at all for Shiro. 

They sat down, Shiro, Sam and Slav on one side of the table, Slav being there as a mediator mostly with Sam as support. Once Curtis and the others had sat down, the unknown man's immediate gravitated across the back of Curtis’ chair. 

“Before we start, I should introduce him. I can see the way your eyes are glaring Takashi.” A pointed look was thrown at Shiro from Curtis. “This is Daniel, he is who I've been staying with the last few weeks. We've recently got together.” 

Shiro tried not to crush the datapad in his hand. He had thought that Curtis was staying with Iverson, who had retired soon after Shiro left the Garrison. 

“How long?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“How long have you been together?” Shiro’s voice was cracking. He had to reign himself in.

“4 months.” The man, Daniel, spoke up. Curtis had the decency to look down at the table, avoiding the disbelieving look thrown his way by not only Shiro and Sam, but also his own lawyer. 

Shiro stood up and began to pace his side of the room. 

“Takashi please I-”

“You don't get to call me that anymore Curtis. Don't you dare call me by my first name like that. 4 months ago you got into a relationship with another man behind my back whilst we were still married and when we are finalising divorce papers you bring the man you've been seeing and only just now tell me that you had cheated?” Shiro was furious, Sam had to hold him back from launching himself over the table. “After everything was I ever enough for you Curtis? I gave up my career, I gave up my best friends, my family for you. I gave you everything and you cheat on me, your husband of 5 years for what?”

“Shiro, you have to calm down son.” Sam was holding him back to chest, tears strolling down his own face after hearing the news that someone he and his family had opened their arms to willingly had betrayed not only Shiro's trust, but his own. “Curtis, I'm taking Shiro outside for a few seconds. I will leave you with Slav.”

Following Sam out the room, Shiro couldn't help but release the overflowing sadness that had build up over the past 3 weeks. 3 weeks and a few days had past since Curtis had walked out that night. But he'd been with that man for 4 months. 

“Shiro it's ok. It's going to be ok.” Sam followed Shiro to sit on the floor. 

“I didn't expect him to be that way Sam, he was always so kind and attentive. I trusted him.” Shiro's voice broke and a new wave of tears left his eyes. 

“I know Shiro. I know.” Shiro had always been an emotional person, even when Sam first met him as a cadet. Watching Shiro grow alongside his own children made both the Holt parents extremely protective over him. He placed a hand on his back and rubbed it. “You know, Colleen probably would have torn him apart for doing that to you. We think of you as our own Shiro. We're family.” 

“Thanks Sam.” Shiro sniffled, trying to get ready to face the inevitable. “We should go back in. I don't want to look at him but I'll have to for the next 30 minutes.” He paused. “I loved him…”

“I know.” 

When they walked back in 5 minutes later, Shiro was a little calmer and Sam a little more guarded towards the new couple across from him. 

“Let's just get this over with Curtis. Then you can go home with your boyfriend.” Shiro didn't look at the men in question as he spoke. 

“Fiancé actu- ow”

“Daniel shut up or go outside.”

Shiro proceeded to ignore the couple, only listening to the lawyer as the divorce was finalised. An hour later, all papers were signed, Curtis was officially his maiden name again, their house belonged to Curtis and Curtis and Daniel left the facility.

“Sam?”

“Yes Shiro?”

“Im going back to my office. I'm really glad I'm going on that mission.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A full chapter of Shiro!
> 
> And yup. Curtis (or Curtain as some of us on Twitter have begun to call him) is an asshole. I'm sorry to any Curtain stans out there. 
> 
> Who the fuck would cheat on such a marshmallow ;-;


	4. We Are Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations for the mission for the Blade's Summit leave Shiro feeling happier than he has in years.
> 
> 'Tears gathered in his eyes as he looked at himself, really looked. He looked like he used to, even with the shorter bangs. “Matt… It's amazing.” He looked up at his friend. “Thank you.”
> 
> “Hey don't mention it. You're family. You deserve to look like yourself and not a cardboard cut-out promoting viagra.”'

Launch day was approaching fast for the crew of the IGF Atlas for the less than routine trip to Daibazzal for the bi-annual Blade summit. Shiro hadn't yet visited the newly reformed home-world of the Galra, having been retired for 5 years and only visiting Altea for Allura's annual memorial in those years, with Curtis by his side.

Shiro's crew was almost exactly the same, with the exceptions of Coran, Iverson and Curtis, Veronica was bringing Lily along to visit the girls mother, as Axca would be at the summit, Sam was in charge of engineering and communications for this run, Veronica leaving Lily in the Atlas’ daycare or play under her console, whilst she would take over communications if Sam was busy, as well as a few previous crew members. 

Shiro had taken to going back to the gym in the Garrison nightly after the day the divorce papers were signed. Trying to get back to his old self wasn't easy, and he had changed. His quintessence bleached hair had grown out a little more than he cared for, he had month old stubble that was constantly itchy and bags under his eyes from even worse restless nights. If Coran was on the grounds and saw him, he probably would have kicked him for not taking care of himself properly. But Coran wasn't here, so Matt had to do it. 

“Come on Shiro. It looks like you've been dragged through a forest backwards and then trampled on by Kaltenecker.” Matt pleaded with the taller man, exasperated.

“Matt. I'm busy, I don't have time to get pampered before launch day. There's still paperwork that I've been dealing with since my first day back and I-” 

“With all due respect, Cap, you've just come out of a relationship, jumped straight back into your job and you're running yourself into the ground again.” Matt paused, seeing the look of ‘I know you're right but still’ on Shiro’s face. As stubborn as ever. “At least let me cut your hair for you, I'm sure you'd rather I do it than Pidge. You saw what she did to me before we made Chip remember?”

Shiro grimaced. Seeing Matt with such short hair back then was a weird moment in his life that he'd never get back. It really didn't suit him, and Pidge had gone mad with the scissors. Matt's hair had grown back pretty quickly, but it was in a really awkward place for a while whilst it grew out, much like Shiro's own hair currently. 

“Besides, it isn't really pampering, it's just self-care. You keep scratching your face and posture is all wrong. I know you're not in a good place right now.” Matt moved to sit on the edge of Shiro's desk. “I just wanna make sure my buddy is ok, physically and mentally.”

Shiro sighed. He really couldn't deny the Holt's anything. “Ok Matt, you win. I'll take the rest of the day off. Let me go and shave, and then you can do what you need to do.” Standing from his desk, he stretched, his back popping from where he'd been slumped over his desk since 7 am, looking at the clock on his datapad, he saw the time was almost 3pm. 

Matt would be joining the team along with Pidge, and even Pidge had made some comments on his overall look. Of course they didn't expect him to bounce back right away, not with the way things had ended between him and Curtis, but as his family they had worried for him. 

Shiro looked at himself in the mirror, dark circles made his eyes look hollow and dead, the young spark of adventure that was permanently there through everything dimmed in his cloud gray irises. High cheekbones shaped his face and his bangs covered his left eye slightly. Lips slightly chapped as he reached up to feel them, his facial scar, faded, but prominent across his nose. Matt was right, he didn't look good. His stubble had grown into more of a patchy beard than anything, much like his departed grandfather's. He looked aged, not like someone in his early thirties should look. 

Grabbing his face cloth, he wet it under the sink, hissing at the coldness. ‘Cold is good’ he remembered Lance telling him one night on the Castleship during a lull in active duty, ‘It helps wake up the skin and closes up pores!’. He chuckled at the memory, patting his face with the now wet cloth making sure to get as much of his face wet before washing it. Once he'd finished he picked up his razor, one Colleen and Sam had bought him in his “Welcome back” pack when he moved back into the Garrison apartments with shaving foam included. He went about his business, making sure that he'd got as much of the hair on his face before washing away the remnants of shaving foam off his face.

Moving out of the ajoined bathroom of his office, he saw Matt sat on his visitors chair, on his datapad, smiling at something he'd seen. “Better?” 

Matt turned to look at the older man, gasping dramatically. “Sorry who are you? I saw a grandpa enter that room 10 minutes ag- OW!”

Shiro had slapped Matt across the head with his prosthetic lightly, never one to actually use it to hurt anyone. “Yeah well, going through a divorce in your thirties will do that to you Matt.” 

“I'm kidding, you look great. Besides, you're only 32, not like you're ancient.” 

“I'm telling Sam you think he's ancient now.” Shiro countered with a smirk, he wouldn't actually, but seeing the way Matt was flubbering trying to counteract that he did not think his dad was old or anything made him chuckle. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Calm down Matt.”

“Shiro stop fucking with me…” Matt tried pulling his best puppy eyes, ultimately failing. 

“Well, shall we go then?” 

“Let's get you an actual haircut Cap!”

***

Matt was careful, meticulously cutting Shiro's hair around his ears and his nape. Letting himself rest and relax as the snipping of the scissors became all that was heard in the room. He trusted Matt, after all they had been through he allowed himself to find comfort in the silence as Matt concentrated on making his hair look more like his old self, with a more mature style with his bangs than the floppy untamed nature he had his in youth. He was assured that it would have to be styled minimally, which helped being as stressed as he usually was, and it would be out of his eyes. 

The designer glasses Curtis had bought for him were purely for aesthetic reasons, but he kept them in his quarters, the last thing he had kept from the relationship. He had sold his wedding ring and donated the money to an orphanage and the school that Keith and some of the MFE's had attended as they were trying to raise funds to help give the children school lunches, no matter their background. It hadn't been much, but he was glad that the money had provided for kids in the area, both alien and human, to be able to eat healthily, even if it was just an extra meal. 

“Alright. All done Shiro.” Matt’s voice broke his thoughts as he was passed a hand mirror.

Tears gathered in his eyes as he looked at himself, really looked. He looked like he used to, even with the shorter bangs. “Matt… It's amazing.” He looked up at his friend. “Thank you.”

“Hey don't mention it. You're family. You deserve to look like yourself and not a cardboard cut-out promoting viagra.” 

Shiro chuckled through his tears and reached round to hug Matt. 

***

Launch day had caught up to the crew. The supplies had been all packed onto the ship, the crew members standing to attention on the podium. Shiro stood on the right of the stage-like podium, waiting to be called up by Sam to give a speech as the returning Captain of the IGF Atlas. He was transported back to when Atlas first launched for their first official meeting, catching Veronica's eye as she thought the same. She was stood in the space that her brother stood on that day, next to Allura and Keith, however he was currently on Altea and Veronica was trying to keep the cooing baby on her hip from disturbing proceedings. 

“I'd like to reintroduce our Captain for this mission, returning to us after 5 years of retirement is Captain Takashi Shirogane. As I'm sure you can understand, we are very happy to have him back at the Garrison. Captain, would you like to say a few words?” Sam's voice rung out across the field. 

Standing up, Shiro moved toward the microphones, looking across the crowd, different races clapping and cheering for the Captain's return. It was a formality, it always was. 

“Thank you Commander Holt. It's great to be back, I know that there is some who may be a little confused as to why I came out if retirement after 5 years, and I'd like to say that no matter what, I have always wanted to explore the universe with my team. I remember when we first got Atlas to work and how elated I was to handle her for the first time. My bond with my team, and in turn the Atlas, has not weakened as much as I thought it would have. Because of this, I'm happy to be back at the helm of the IGF Atlas, and Captain of my amazing crew. Thank you.”

Another roar across the crowd signalled his time to join the crew back on their side of the podium. Pidge flashed a smile as Matt shot finger guns at him. As he stood next to the siblings once again, he felt calmer. 

Formalities out the way, they headed towards the ship, Veronica saying goodbye to her siblings and parents before taking Lily’s hand and making her wave to her family. Promises to call from the summit were made by her and other crew members on the launch site. 

Each of the siblings on each of his arms, Shiro entered Atlas and instantly a rumble ran through his mind. A welcome back from the ship as she settled back to let her Captain take his spot at the command center. His bags had already been put into the Captain's quarters and the whole ship was abuzz with excitement as Atlas prepared to take off once again. 

Atlas being faster than she used to be, it would only take a few days to reach the summit, making it there for what would be Friday night on Earth. As the route was already in Atlas’ coordinates it would be a smooth ride meaning the crew could take it easy. An easy start for Shiro to get back into the swing of things. Pidge had ran off to find her mother and find out where her paladin uniform had been placed, which left Shiro at helm after Matt went to follow his sister and make sure she didn't make trouble. 

Lily was placed on the floor under the console of Veronica, happily playing with her teething ring whilst her mom worked. Shiro placed his arms on the centre console, bringing up the electric blue command boards and checked on the status of the ship as they breached the atmosphere. Once they'd reached the vastness of space, Shiro closed the command centre, seeing that Lily had grown bored with her teething toy. Shiro started to pull funny faces at the child, making her giggle and kick her legs around, catching her mother's leg in the process. 

“Lily please sweetheart, mommy is trying to work.” another giggle followed at Shiro had made his floating hand crawl around on the floor to entertain the baby, as he watched space through the window. It felt so freeing to be back and not just for a few days trip to Altea for a memorial, but to actually be piloting and exploring the universe he helped to free from a war. This is where he was meant to be. 

A small tug from his altean arm alerted him that the small child had crawled out from under Veronica's console and grabbed it, prying a small chuckle as he moved around the console and picked the tiny being up. “Lieutenant McClain?” 

“Yes Captain? Oh Lily! How'd you… I'm so sorry Captain.” Veronica stood up, apologising profusely. 

“It's fine Veronica, really. I'll take her down to the nursery for now, I think Colleen is there with Pidge. Sam and Veronica can you take care of everything here?”

A residing “Yes Captain” and “Thank you” was heard as he settled the little Galra girl on his hip and walked towards the nursery. She was looking and playing with his altean arm as they walked, fascinated with the light blue hue it radiated. 

Reaching the nursery, Shiro removed his altean arm from where the child had it cuddled to her chest and knocked before entering. Colleen turned, a smile gracing her features. “I wondered when she'd be brought here. Hello Lily.” 

A gargle in response from the child made both Shiro and Colleen laugh. 

“Thanks Colleen,” he passed Lily over to the woman. “She escaped from under the console and her mom's feet. She's an adventurous one.” 

“Katie was similar.” 

A groan could be heard from the person in question before a resounding “Mooooom” was heard from the back of the room where she was trying to settle one of the other crew’s child for their nap, Matt snickering behind his hand as he sat on the floor reading messages.

“Well then Lily, let's get you down for your nap now, your mom told me what time's they were and it's almost time.” 

“Thanks again Colleen. I should get back to the bridge, bye Lily.” he waved his altean arm, making Lily brighten again and giggle. “Pidge, Matt. See you later!”

With that he moved back to the bridge, Veronica now seeming more relaxed and Sam moving back to his console now that Shiro was back. 

Just 2 days until they got there. 

Shiro couldn't wait.

Little did he know a surprise would be waiting there for him, in the form of those indigo eyes and braided hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating until now! I had a really bad holiday with my family ._.
> 
> Anyway! Shiro is finally on his way and I'm personally proud of him for allowing himself to have a short break, even if it was just Matt kicking him in the ass to get him to shave and get his hair cut.
> 
> Also! I wrote Shiro's interactions with Lily because I've had a really hard time missing my siblings recently, one of them actually being called Lily-Ann, which is where Lily came from. As a baby Lily-Ann would always try to crawl around and in general be a little shit, so that is kinda a throw back for me.
> 
> Plus its cute.
> 
> As usual comments and kudos are always appreciated! Love you guys and I'll see you with the next chapter in a few days! ❤


	5. I’m In De-Details With The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I missed you too, both of you.” Keith looked between the two, remembering fond memories of him and Matt causing havoc at the Garrison as cadets, and much the same about Pidge during their time at the castle. “How's things back-” Keith swallowed heavily. He didn't want to say home. The only place he thought of as home was a person with silver hair and grey eyes. The two before him knew that. “Back on Earth?”
> 
> Keith Reunites with the Holt siblings and has a game of hide and seek with a toddler.

“Axca!” 

Rushing up to the woman who became like a sister to him over the years of them becoming full-time Blades, Keith panted as he walked in step with the other half-Galran.

“Keith, I didn't expect to see you home so soon.” 

“Mom wanted me home for the summit. I heard Veronica and Lily are coming.” 

Axca flushed at the thought of her partner and her daughter, having missed them for a while. “Yeah, I'm excited to see them.” She looked over at Keith briefly. “You look good in the elder Blade uniform, suits you.”

“It’s more a formality than anything. Kolivan insisted on it before my last trip. I trust the old man knows what he's doing by now.” Keith subconsciously tried straightening out the wrappings as he spoke. The detailed suit was skintight, but wrappings around his torso and wrists were more for aesthetics than functionality. 

“So, happy to be back on Daibazzal?”

“Yeah, it'll be nice to just go home for once. Sleep on my bed at my apartment and not on a cot for months.”

The smell of ozone encased the two briefly before they were knocked over by an overly large space wolf tackling them. Kosmo was no longer a puppy and was taller than Keith, standing at 7ft. He was fluffier than ever, having been left at home with Kolivan for the months that Keith wasn't home, he'd grown in a short amount of time. 

“Hey buddy. I missed you too.” Keith pet the fur that he could reach from under his pet.

“Kosmo come on, everytime.” Axca complained, even though she was laughing. 

Keith had noticed that since Axca and Veronica started talking, she'd become more free with her personality, laughing and smiling more. He remembered being like that around the paladins, around one in particular. 

Kosmo moved off the two, after licking Keith's face into a slobbery mess of course. Picking himself up and lending a hand to Axca, Keith rubbed off the saliva from his wolf with his arm. Continuing to walk along with Kosmo at their side to the main building of the Blade's base, no longer needing to be hidden, they spoke about what they had been up to since they'd last met and about what they would be doing next. 

“I guess Kolivan will want to see you first, I'm going to see how far from the base Veronica is. Talk later Keith!” Axca went around the next corner to bring up a video transmission to her partner, Veronica's voice coming through just before Keith went into the main lobby. 

“Keith, glad to see you're back safe.” Kolivan's voice brought Keith's head up to greet him.

“I always do. How are things here?” 

“Busy, but that's to be expected. Galra and other species are still situating here and it's slowly turning into a home for everyone.” Kolivan stood from his seat and made his way down the room to his step-son. “Thank you, for your efforts in turning other planets into homes as well as here, Keith. Your mother and I are proud of your accomplishments.” He reached out and ruffled the top of Keith's head, a fatherly and friendly gesture that not many people got to see from such a serious man. 

“Thank you, Kolivan. Being able to help others after the war is something that couldn't be done alone. Me and my team have managed to build houses on Kantayla and provide them with enough resources for them to thrive, but I will check back within the next deca-pheob to make sure everything's going well.” Keith rattled off everything that had happened, ranging from the children he'd talked to about his adventures to the time he had to build a well for a small village on the planet for their water-like substance to drink. 

He was in the middle of a story about a group of children who tried to braid his hair when his mother's voice rung out. 

“Kolivan, Keith!” 

Krolia entered the room, not breaking a sweat as she strode up to her family. The two swung around, Keith wondering what would cause his mother to sound so excited. 

“It’s the Coalition. They're breaching atmosphere now.” 

“Already?” Keith’s eyes lit up. The coalition meant Pidge and Matt were here, on Daibazzal. 

Keith practically sprinted out of the room, rushing to grab Axca and his bike. It was a 10 minute ride to the landing strip for larger vessels on his hoverbike. Having moved the hoverbike to the planet by some of the Blades as a surprise shortly after he moved to the planet permanently, not intending to go back himself to get it. It had been upgraded since having it there and often used it to run errands for his mother when he was on planet. 

Turning into the garages, his hoverbike sat there, just as he left it. With it having a new coat of paint, the same color as his first Lion, he nicknamed it Red v2. Kicking it off the ground was as easy as ever, and he rode towards the landing strip, the dusty sand-like particles doing nothing to deter him from his path as he rode. 

He was eager and happy as they rode through dips and bends in the terrain, wooping and hollering as he felt like he was 17 again, going through the same motions, even if it was a different planet, the feeling felt the same. So uplifting, free. 

The landing strip was in sight and he saw the ship just landing. He must have taken a little longer than he thought to get there. He knew the Atlas would be coming as he had conversed with an overactive Pidge a little while before the Atlas left Earth. He closed in, screeching to a stop just outside the landing zone.

“Axca! Keith!” A shout followed by a childish giggle caught Keith's attention as Veronica and Lily walked up to them. 

“Hi sweetheart.” Axca gave her partner a chaste kiss, never failing to remember they were in public and as much as she wanted to exclaim her love and how much she missed her, she couldn't do that here. “Hi little flower, I missed you both so much.” 

Veronica and Lily embraced Axca, her tears visible from under her glasses. “We missed you too, so much.” 

“Hiya Lily,” Keith said softly. “Have you been good for Momma?” 

“Ke! Ke!” Lily reached out for Keith, asking to be picked up. Asking silently with his eyes, once Veronica nodded he gently took her from her mother's arms so that the two women could cuddle properly.

“I think that's the first time she's tried saying your name Keith. She says Ma and Mommy all the time, but nothing else.” Veronica giggled from the crook of Axca's neck. It had been months since the two had seen each other that wasn't through a screen, and Keith could tell the love between one of his closest friend's and her partner would last for a very long time, if not forever. 

He was distracted out of his thoughts by a hand pulling on his bangs gently. His eyes softened for the child in his arms. 10 years ago he would punch himself for being so soft, but present him couldn't care. Lily was adorable. “What's up Lily? Want to ride on my shoulders?” When Lily nodded her head rapidly he hoisted her up and put her on his shoulders, pretending she'd disappeared as she giggled and held onto his hands. “Where'd Lily go? I could have sworn she was here a moment ago?” 

Giggles and laughter from her and her mothers made him amp up the act, going as far as bending over to see where the little Galran girl had gone and turning round slightly. “Ke!” Another giggle as he continued trying to find the disappearing girl. Keith then looked up to see her and exaggerated his reaction of finding her, bringing her back down off his shoulders to put her on his hip and tickle the girls side, bringing about a whole nother bout of giggles from the girl. 

“You're so good with kids Keith, never would have expected it from you back in the war.” Axca piped up as her little girl was being tickled. 

“Comes with the territory I guess,” He passed the girl over to Axca. “I've seen a lot of kids who were like me over the years, no-one in their corner. Sometimes they just need a bit more care than others and want to play. Some of the orphanages have said they've seen a massive change in the attitudes of the kids when they've actually had attention paid to them.” He looked down at his boots in the sand. “I know how it felt, and if I can help the families or kids in anyway, I'll do it.”

“Keith!” 

A body slammed into Keith's back, slim arms wrapping around his torso and a face buried in his back. He didn't have to look to know who it was. There was only one person with that voice and height. 

“Hey Pidge.” 

“I'm here too buddy.” Matt ran up next to Keith as Pidge pried herself away from Keith's back. 

“We missed you!” Pidge still wore Matt's old glasses, and wore her civilian clothes for the moment, no doubt that would be changed for the actual summit. 

“I missed you too, both of you.” Keith looked between the two, remembering fond memories of him and Matt causing havoc at the Garrison as cadets, and much the same about Pidge during their time at the castle. “How's things back-” Keith swallowed heavily. He didn't want to say home. The only place he thought of as home was a person with silver hair and grey eyes. The two before him knew that. “Back on Earth?”

“Well, Katie's been busy sorting something out, me and N7 have a home of our own now. We moved out of Mom and Dad's before our last mission, which this one,” Matt ruffled his younger sister's hair, much to her annoyance, as evident by the swat she threw his way, “managed to get onto. So it's been a whirlwind recently.” 

“Matt managed to pilot another Olkari mech! It was so cool!” 

“Wow, I've really missed a lot, huh?”

“Ke!!!” 

“Oops, sorry Lil. What is it?” Keith turned towards the two women and most importantly the little girl in her mother's embrace. 

“Up! Up!”

“But you're already up.” He played dumb, drawing a chuckle from Pidge. 

“Ke, up!”

“Ok ok, come on then.” He once again pulled the child above his shoulders and turned towards the siblings in front of him. 

“She really likes you, Keith. Reminds me back when we first became paladins, the Arusian's took a liking to you immediately. Seeing your face when the one hugging you said thank you was priceless.” 

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me Pidge. Lily is a lot cuter than Arusians though, but twice as cuddly.” He looks up at the girl sat on his shoulders. “Right Lil?” 

A giggle resounded around the small group, prompting a ripple of laughter. 

“Oh hey, did you bring the hoverbike here?” Pidge piped up, a mischievous glint in her eye that said she had an upgrade for it. 

“Oh, yeah it's up there-”

“Matt! Pidge!” 

A familiar silhouette was seen off in the distance, shouting for the siblings, uniform as form fitting as it used to be and his stance as leaderlike as he remembered. 

Gulping, Keith turned his attention to Lily, moving her off her shoulders and onto his hip as he turned to face her mothers. A sad expression crossed his features. If he was here that meant Curtis was too. Why didn't anyone tell him he was coming? His heart was still fragile, no matter who he had dated over the course of the five years, they'd never came as close to what he meant to him. Of course he loved his previous partners, but differently than the way he loved his best friend. He couldn't face him properly still.

Lily played with his plait, reminding him that he was still here, on the transport track, and not somewhere he could wallow in his sorrows. He probably didn't notice him anyway.

“Coming Captain!”

“Well, I'll see you later buddy. There will be plenty of time to hang out before and after the summit.” 

“Yeah… See you later guys.” 

A small wave from himself and the two siblings were off back to the Atlas, waiting for the transport containing his mother and Kolivan to arrive to take them to the base. A gentle hand was placed on his shoulder from Axca.

“It'll be alright, come on, let's get Lily and Veronica home.” 

Keith nodded numbly, walking towards his hoverbike with Lily still on his hip to let the women walk and hold hands. Once they reached the bike, he placed the young girl in the front of the seat, leaving enough room for himself and the two women to climb on. He opened the back of the seat to grab the little face mask and hood, to keep Lily's eyes safe from the dust as they travelled home. 

He smiled slightly as he thought about the idea of his mom and dad doing something similar when he was even younger than Lily, then cast his eyes down as he remembered himself and the other paladins escaping the Garrison troops after saving Shiro after a year of not seeing him. So much had changed since that day. 

Placing the items for Lily on the small child, climbing on and getting the couple to climb on after him, he was off. Lily clung onto Keith's uniform, giggling as he swerved and tried to take the ‘safer’ route home, Veronica letting out a laugh as she clung to her wife's back behind Keith.

The Galran-Human family arrived home, Lily still giggling as she was unloaded from the bike. Keith moved his plait behind his back as he began to walk towards the massive building that held the apartments for on base residents and diplomatic relations. His own apartment had laid absent for a while, and it would be the first time staying back there since he was first on Daibazzal. 

Opening the door for the family and stepping in the elevator, they travelled up towards his and Axca’s apartment’s floor. Sometime between listening to the women chatting and him leaning silently against the wall, he spaced out, feeling suddenly uneasy. It must have shown on his face because soon enough Veronica waved a hand if front of his face. 

“You ok?” Worry was covered over her features. He could see how her and Lance were related, they had the same worried expressions. 

“Yeah, I think I just need to lay down for a while, it's been a long day and I-” 

“Hey, you don't need to explain yourself. It's ok.” She looked between her daughter and wife, nodding as if coming to a decision, yet another similarity to her younger brother. “We'll see you at dinner ok?” 

“Yeah, sounds good.” 

Exiting the elevator they said they're goodbyes and Keith unlocked the door to his apartment. Kicking his boots off, he walked straight into his bedroom, the automatic lights showing a subtle purple hue as he passed into the ensuite. Shucking his uniform and braid, he quickly shoved himself into a shower, trying to wash away the dust from his body and hair. His thoughts quickly turned to the silhouette of his best friend outside the Atlas. Were they even best friends at this point? Keith actively avoided him and his husband for a reason. He leaned against the shower wall and closed his eyes, letting the water roll down his hair and back, trying to breathe through the tears breaching his eyes. 

A younger him flashed through his mind, Shiro’s face above him, snarling as he tried to slash his face with his weaponised galra-hand. His own words burned him more than the mark Shiro left on his face. A last minute confession that didn't go anywhere. 

His chest heaved as he sobbed against the cold tile, mourning for his own selfishness and his lost friendship with the man that he couldn't even face anymore. He looked at his reflection in the weak shimmer of the tiles, tears streaming down his face and scar. His dark hair stuck to his forehead and his eyes, purple orbs that Shiro had once complimented saying they looked like deep space, looking back at himself through the reflection. 

“This is pathetic. It's been years and you still haven't got over him…” A weak chuckle escaped his own mouth. How long had he been in love with a married man for? The same man who he'd saved and been saved by so many times. 

Finishing up his shower, he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist. He needed a plan, something to have as little as possible contact with Shiro. He couldn't pull out of the summit, not with his mom's big announcement that he promised to be there for, not with being the Galra relationships diplomat. 

A knock on his apartment door broke him out of his thoughts. He wasn't expecting anything or anyone to come visit him. He'd promised to meet Axca and her family for dinner, and that was a few hours away yet. Deciding its likely one of the Blades, he opened the door, still with a towel around his waist.

“Yeah, what is it?”

He looked up, purple irises meeting grey.

“S… Shiro?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! As always, I love reading your reactions to MMY and I'd like to apologise for the long wait! Life has been a bit crazy recently and in between trying to find a job, shooting videos for my channel and getting my shit together, I tried to get writing as much as I could.
> 
> So uh.. Here it is. 
> 
> Also for those who might be wondering! Miss Missing You is a song by Fall Out Boy and all of the chapter titles apart from the prologue are all lyrics from different songs on the Save Rock and Roll album, which I listen to for inspiration for each chapter! It's a pretty old album but it's one of my favourites. 
> 
> If you'd like to scream at me, my twitter is @KaiRenIgnite, and if you'd like to support my work please consider buying me a coffee, caffeine is really all I have atm 😂 ko-fi.com/kairuhasfallen


	6. We'll Stay Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A nervous energy ran through his body as he continued to sift through his hair and rack his brain for words. He didn't want to turn into a stuttering mess like he did after Keith came back from the trip with his mother, where he'd aged 2 years and got taller and more defined."
> 
> Shiro has a tough time.

“Matt! Pidge!”

 

Shiro walked down the ramp leading onto the tarmac-like landing strip, calling for what what at this point he'd called his siblings, Colleen and Sam Holt behind him. He looked up, briefly catching a glimpse of long legs in a Blade Commander uniform and a mop of long black hair in a braid before seeing the two matching mousy brown haired heads of the two he just called for. 

 

“Coming Captain!” Came a shout from the elder sibling as he looked down before a chance to be caught staring. 

 

He stood with the Holts, trying to seem as if he was listening but his mind was racing. 

 

Keith. Keith is here. 

 

Keith is on Daibazzal and here for the summit. 

 

And he's beautiful. 

 

“Shiro?” 

 

Blinking out of his thoughts, he turned towards the voice. “Hm? Yeah sorry. Could you repeat that?”

 

“I said are you excited for the summit?” Ah, it was Pidge who spoke. She took hold of his left arm, entwining it with hers as her brother took her other arm. Kinda similar to when Pidge was younger before his illness hadn't been as bad and they'd swing her between the two of them. 

 

Pidge turned her face to her brother's with a grin that Shiro could only describe as terrifying. “You mean you have someone a little shorter than you on your mind. Maybe someone with long black hair-”

 

“Pidge.” 

 

“who always somehow found you-”

 

“Matt…”

 

“With shojo legs-”

 

“Guys come on…”

 

“and can take you down in a sparring match-”

 

“Katie. Matthew.” 

 

“Sorry Mom.”

 

“You three should go ahead. Colleen and I will make sure that everyone else gets transport.”

 

The three nodded and ran towards the pick up point where the welcoming committee stood. ATLAS crew members were already being loaded into the transport vehicles ready to go to the base, some stopping to talk to Blades they know. The line was slowly diminishing as they neared the vehicles. As they neared, Krolia lifted her head, nodding towards the 2 ex-paladins and rebel. Touching Kolivan’s shoulder gently, an action that reminded the tallest of the 3 young humans of himself and Keith, Krolia moved towards them. 

 

“Katie, Matt, Shiro.” She regarded the three of them, opening her arms for the three to hug her. “It's been a while.”

 

“Matt and I were working a few systems away, we wanted to visit but we were pretty busy.” Pidge hugged her first, being the youngest and always willing for hugs from the Official Space Mom. “Sorry.”

 

“It's fine Pidge. Matt, Shiro?” Matt soon hugged her next, a silent thank you for taking care of his sister when they disappeared for 3 years each time he hugged her was communicated. 

 

Shiro felt awkward hugging her. Like he wasn't allowed to after doing what he promised he'd never do to her son. After the war was over he abandoned the one person who was there for him as many times as it took, Shiro realised soon after that night that led to his hasty divorce. Keith, who felt abandoned and betrayed by the people who were meant to protect him as a kid, who grew into a person he could rely on after being tortured in the Galra ring and escaping back to Earth in a tiny pod, who then grew into a man who battled his own fears in the face he now wore, Keith was abandoned by the one person who swore he'd never give up on him. When Shiro realised that, he took to waking up crying one morning. Guilt racked his mind and body as he had lost his best friend over a shotgun wedding. Hugging Keith's mother felt like betrayal. 

 

“Shiro? Is everything ok?” Matt’s voice drifted into his ears, reminding him where he was. 

 

“Krolia, do you think I could visit Keith?” When faced with the question, Krolia nodded. “Can you take me to him? I want to talk.”

 

Shiro’s face was trying to fix itself into a neutral expression, but his voice gave him away. He was nervous, not believing he had a right to even say hello to his best friend. 

 

“Let me just let Kolivan know. Matt, Pidge, will you be ok?”

 

“We'll be fine, besides, mom and dad are on the way over.”

 

Another nod from Krolia as she acknowledged the pair of siblings. “Kolivan, I'll meet you back at base.”

 

A gruff voice was heard, confirming. 

 

“We'll take one of the transport bikes.”

 

“Yeah, thanks Krolia.”

 

The two sat on the bike, similar in design to an old motorbike. “We're family Shiro. There's no need to thank me.” Krolia put the bike into drive. “After what you've done for Keith when I couldn't, you're a part of the family.” 

 

Shiro thought of this as they drove past the newly built buildings of the capital of Daibazzal, going into his own world as he thought over Krolia’s words. Before he knew it, they were at what looked to be a set of apartments, built within the last few years. 

 

“He's on the top floor, 3rd from the elevator on the left.” Letting Shiro jump off the bike, Krolia smiled at him. “I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. Don't worry too much. I'll see you in a few hours.”

 

Just as Krolia was ready to take off towards the base, Shiro called out. “Krolia. I… Thank you. For bringing me here.”

 

Another silent nod and she was gone. 

 

Shiro let himself breathe for a second before turning towards the set of apartments. Buzzing himself in, he strode towards the elevators and was taken aback that it was already at the bottom floor, but got in anyway, and pressed the button that would take him to the top floor. Leaning on the wall of the elevator, he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to work out what he was actually going to say when Keith opened the door. If he'd open the door. 

 

A nervous energy ran through his body as he continued to sift through his hair and rack his brain for words. He didn't want to turn into a stuttering mess like he did after Keith came back from the trip with his mother, where he'd aged 2 years and got taller and more defined. 

 

As if the universe had heard him and decided to ignore his wishes, the top floor was reached and the doors opened, leaving Shiro to look at himself in a mirror opposite the now open elevator. His hair was a mess and as he stepped out of the elevator with a heavy sigh, he tried to fix the mess he created. There were only a few doors in the corridor, likely penthouse-style suites. Locating the 3rd door on the left, he breathed deeply a few times as he walked towards it and stopped in front of it, attempted to knock but psyched himself out. Telling himself that the worst that could happen wouldn't happen because its Keith, he knocked. 

 

And waited. 

 

He heard a mumble through the door, then a lock turning. 

 

There, in front of him, were the purple eyes he never realised how much he'd missed until that moment. And in what way he missed them. 

 

“S-Shiro?”

 

Shiro cleared his throat, panic setting in. He took in the sight of Keith in full, a scarred torso, slim hips wrapped in a towel. 

 

“H-Hey Keith, um. S-sorry. Nows probably a bad time I should-”

 

He was stopped as a slim hand wrapped around his human arm and tugged him into the apartment. 

 

“What… How… Why are you here Shiro? Where's Curtis? Why show up here out of-?”

 

A gulp from Shiro was audible as he dazedly looked at Keith, stopping Keith rambling as he looked at that hand that he still held the wrist to. The hand with no ring anymore. 

 

“You…”

 

“K-Keith, I'm so sorry.” Shiro’s voice trembled as he stepped back against the wall, looking at his feet, ashamed to look up to see the beautiful man before him. 

 

“Shiro… I'm the one who should be sorry. I ran away. When did it happen?”

 

Keith stepped closer, but not too close, knowing that he felt like an injured animal when cornered, not wanting Shiro to feel the same. 

 

“A few weeks back. He got angry at me one night after an episode and left… The divorce was soon after.” A full bodied sob travelled through Shiro's body as he sank to the ground. The ex-black paladin let himself cry in front of the man who saved him every chance he got, who he trusted with his life, let himself be vulnerable with. 

 

Keith crouched in front of him, careful of his towel, and reached out to take both his hands. 

 

“Shiro, do you want me closer?” He chose his words carefully, asking permission to hug him as he cried, much like he would do after a nightmare on the castleship. 

 

A nod followed and Keith moved to sit at Shiro's side, reaching an arm around his form and hugged him. Shiro huddled closer, not bothering to be shy as for the first time in weeks, months, maybe even years, he felt love radiate towards him. Unconditional and pure. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You don't need to thank me Takashi.”

 

Shiro lifted his head. His eyes still watery as he flushed red at Keith calling him by his given name. It sounded right coming from his lips, in that voice. 

 

“That's the first time you've called me that.” He managed through the tears. 

 

“Shit, sorry Shir-”

 

“It's ok. It's nice to hear it from you.” A bashful smile made its way across his tear-striped face. “You can call me my name.”

 

It was Keith's turn to blush, as he hid behind his hair with an affirmation.

 

“Keith?” Shiro sat up a bit. “I'm sorry for leaving again. Even if I didn't disappear fully, I'm still sor-”

 

He was cut off as Keith gently pressed his lips to his own. A whimper escaped Shiro’s lips as he blinked before melting into the soft kiss closing his eyes and moving his lips to indicate to Keith that this was ok.

 

They could talk later. 

 

Right at that moment, this was all they needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient! 
> 
> I'm so happy to finally get onto the good stuff, Shiro and Keith deserve each other and I'm glad they finally realised! How will the Summit go? Will they actually talk about their feelings? How will Krolia and Kolivan announce their baby? 
> 
> All that and more, next time. 
> 
> Also, 
> 
> yeah this will be more than 10 chapters ^^'
> 
> See you next time! Kudos are my life force and let me know your thoughts in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm aiming for this to be around 2000-3000 words per chapter and depending how long I want this to go on I'll be aiming for about 10 chapters! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated!!


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